I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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