Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
