My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
