Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
