i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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