i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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