...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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