did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
