chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
