So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
