In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
