we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Panties = found
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