you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
