you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
