Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
