Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
