you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
