you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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