Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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