return my video game
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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