this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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