I'm really into asian looking animals
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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