forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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