Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is it penis luge time yet?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
