That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
