mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
