I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
