She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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