i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
