I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
