Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I just sharted jello shots
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