Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
