I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
