Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
