Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
