You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
