She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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