with your own penis?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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