i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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