The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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