dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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