That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
