What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
