i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
