I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize