Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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