I love black thongs
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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