Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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