I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
