you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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