I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
