you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize