He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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