we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
