Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
