So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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