Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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