You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
