im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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