How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
