I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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