so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
