He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize