Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
