Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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