So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
