I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
