the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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