btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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