if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
