Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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