Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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