So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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