he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
